tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
sex in a hospital.. check
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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