I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
