bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
