I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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