some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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