I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
