She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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