I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
