Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
