Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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