pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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