I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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