There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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