dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
