forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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