White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
