Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
