I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
