i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
