i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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