some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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