wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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