new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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