I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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