I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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