They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
