I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
