Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
