I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
