So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
