I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There r osticjed everywhere
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
