don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
