apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
