Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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