I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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