Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
