they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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