Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
