She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
