he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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