and you said cock pushups were impossible
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
