I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
