I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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