I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
