Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
