we're chasing vodka with high fives
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
