if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
