Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
