When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
