Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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