How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
