it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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